Mee Dee

Punk'd: the Met Gala and Punkception, Part II

Wed, 08 May 2013 12:27:34 -0400

I’m baaack! And so is the biotch, because it’s time to review the people who sometimes make me want to shove a hot poker into my eyeballs…

Yes, the celebrities. The ones we can’t quite pin down with a “talent” other than being pretty or rich. Some are smart, even interesting—most though, like to dress up as couches. Shall we take a look?

Alexis Stoudmire in Giambattista Valli: I know as much about sports as the next girl who blogs about red carpets—I think her beau’s involves an orange ball—but I do know what good maternity style looks like. This is… sort of it. Compared to another pregnant celebutante, she looks fabulous; compared to everyone else, she looks like the cookie monster fell into a vat of tar. Grade: B-

Anna Wintour in Chanel: I’m sorry, but I just don’t get the fascination with these Chanel square-dresses. Big, garish florals on a box? Are you wrapping paper? No, you are Anna freaking Wintour! I know this is her M.O., but even she can do better than this—follow the theme, perhaps? It’s not like you run this whole show or something… Grade: C

Ashley Olsen in Dior: An Olsen twin wears vintage and oversized. In related news, the sky is blue. Even though she didn’t do anything shocking, though, I kind of like this; it’s like she’s wrapped in a delicious orange cloud. I’m thinking flan, but I’ve never even seen flan. Flaaan. Grade: B

Bee Schaffer in Dior: I am not a fan of the awkward plant applique that splattered itself all over this collection’s dresses, but I’m willing to overlook it due to this dress’s impeccable fit. Seriously, when Raf Simons dresses you, he dresses you perfectly. While this once again isn’t punk at all, it sure is purdy. Grade: B

Donatella Versace in Versace: The Bronzed & Blonde Babe does it again. Honestly, she’s gonna be an impeccably dressed leather hide for the next 100 years if she keeps this up. Viva Versace, baby! Grade: A-

Diane Von Furstenberg: This woman created the wrap dress. We are forever grateful. Grade: B+

Dylan Lauren in Ralph Lauren: While she clearly didn’t give two shits about the theme, the candy maker looks pretty freaking fabulous, if a bit pageant-y. I don’t know how she keeps her figure if she works around all that candy… I’d be obese in 0 to 60. Grade: B+

Gaia Repossi in Dior: I am so frustrated. I’ve been waiting forever to see this on the red carpet and I finally get my wish and then I’m happy and—oh. Crap. It’s blue. The runway version of this top is neon pink, and if it had only been that lovely bright hue this could have been a best-dressed nominee. Why, Gaia!? Grade: B-

Giovanna Battaglia: I love it when someone goes all the way with their outfit, so of course I’m fond of this all-gold, all-the-time ensemble. Is it punk? Not really, save for the awesome hair safety pins. Despite this, though, it brings the drama, and in the end that’s all you can really ask for. Grade: B+

Giuliana Rancic: Giuliana needs to learn to accessorize. I don’t even mind the awkward dress pattern—it’s just that weird ass necklace with her turned-in bob that ruins the look for me. As someone who makes a living critiquing others’ fashion choices, she should know better (I say as I sit here in my pajamas, eating tortellini like a slob). Grade: C

Ivanka Trump in Juan Carlos Obando: Ivanka is one of the few celebrities I like and even admire. She’s smart, has her own business, and most of the time she dresses well. This, though, is not her best; the jewelry doesn’t match the look, and her pretty green skirt is all rumpled up! Better luck next time, lovey! Grade: B-

Julie Chen in ?: (I don’t have time to recap right now, so here’s the grades for the rest) B

Kelly Osbourne in ?: C-

Kim Kardashian in Givenchy: F-

LaLa Anthony in ?: B-

Lauren Bush in ?: B

Lauren Santo Domingo in Dolce & Gabbana: B+

Lindsey Vonn in ?: B+

Livia Firth in Moschino: A

Mary-Kate Olsen in Chanel: C-

Nicole Richie in Topshop: D

Pixie Geldof in ?: C

Sandra Lee in ?: C

Punk'd: the Met Gala and Punkception

Tue, 07 May 2013 20:03:00 -0400

Gosh, it’s practically been two months since I’ve done anything on Tumblr! Oops. I blame Pinterest. It’s addicting as well and suits my OCD tendencies very well. Alas, though, I’m not quite comfortable revealing my red carpet fascinations over there, so it all goes here.

Anyhow, this year’s theme was definitely a loaded one: Punk! I knew it was going to be very hit-or-miss; people are scared of not looking pretty and then there are the others who’d probably like to show up in “God Save the Queen” body paint and nothing else. For the most part, the night was very tough-chick lite; dresses were “edgy,” but not really all that punk. Of course, there are a few people who completely disregard the dress code and wore ball gowns, but isn’t that sort of punk at an affair that demands you dress like a punk? It’s like a pretty, bejeweled finger flipped at the establishment! We’re going to be conformist because it’s not and you can’t stop us!

…confused yet? Welcome to Punkception.

BAWWWWWNNNG.

But enough of that. Let’s get down to it, shall we? Let’s start with those fashionable clothes hangers we like to call models… if anyone’s gonna go big, it’d be them…

Abbey Lee Kershaw in Rag & Bone: I can’t quite say why, but I like this. The dress is like liquid silver, and this girl certainly knows how to work a red lip; throw in her hippie-chic accessories and her teensy little braid and I am somehow entranced. Later on, she pulled up her dress to reveal “gun control” written on her stomach, and I’m in favor of anyone in favor of that, so her DIY tattoo earns punk points—at least for me. Grade: B+

Alexa Chung in Erdem: Normally I don’t like Alexa’s brand of quirky, mainly because she chooses clunky shoes that weigh down her entire look. In this case, however, she did all of her accessorizing right; she kept the jewelry minimal and let her shredded lacy dress do all the talking. One of these days I’d love to see her tackle a floor-length gown, but for now this’ll do. Grade: B

Anja Rubik in Anthony Vaccarello: With Anja, you either love it or you hate it. Remember her slit-to-the-hipbone dress last year (by the same designer, I might add)? Well, where that one kind of grossed me out, this is a hit! If you’ve got supermodel legs you should definitely flaunt them, and I love the “Thriller” vibe of the mini. Grade: A-

Cara Delevigne in Burberry: Here’s another one who got the theme right. I had a feeling Cara would. Her spiked dress with the delicate chain necklaces is classic punk without being boring, and her greasy hair and ear cuff complete the mood. My only complaint is the bag—white? Really? Grade: B+

Carolyn Murphy in Nina Ricci: This woman is seriously gorgeous. Like, wow. Anyhow, I like her look but can’t find anything really excellent about it except her gorgeous orangey-red pout; if she’d added some sort of major accessory I might be singing a different song. Grade: B

Chanel Iman in J. Mendel: I don’t how why I’m not a huge fan of this radical print dress. I should be. The accessorizing is on point, the pink hair works, and I tend to love black and white combos; unfortunately, it just feels dated to me. Anyone else? Grade: B-

Coco Rocha in Emanuel Ungaro: Okay, this is completely batshit. Boots. Leopard print. High neck. Butterfly/candy-wrapper appliques. Nonetheless, she looks like she loves it, and in the end that’s all that really matters. She’s the one wearing the four-figure dress, not us, and she knows it. Good for her. Grade: D+

Constance Jablonski in Wes Gordon: This is how to evoke flames on a dress, Beyonce. On anyone but a model this would probably be a wreck, but Constance makes the dichotomy between delicate and tough work to her advantage; the more I look at this, the more really like it. Grade: A

Doutzen Kroes in Theyskens Theory: This woman’s skin cannot be real. Honestly, who else glows like that!? Anyhow, this is nice but feels a little unfinished; the top could have been a little better attached to the bottom. I feel like there’s a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. Grade: B

Dree Hemingway in Stella McCartney: I’ve gotta say, this is punk. Probably one of the best examples of the night. If I were grading by punkness, she’d get an A. Alas, I’m not, and I cannot get past those freaking shoes on anyone ever. I don’t care if Lady Gaga decides they’re the hottest thing in the next five minutes, I hate them. Grade: C-

Elettra Wiedermann in Prabal Gurung: Finally, some color! Neon is punk, too, you know. That’s why I love this; it’s definitely a marmite look and I wouldn’t hold it against you if you hated it, but the tailoring, color, and styling are all spot on for me. Grade: A

Gisele Bundchen in Anthony Vacarrello: Hubby’s face says it all. Grade: A+

Heidi Klum: While she completely ignored the dress code, no one would blame her. Freaking look at her! It’s hard to pull off such a severe hairstyle, but with her bone structure she can do just about anything. Grade: B+

Hilary Rhoda in Wes Gordon: This is a perfect look for a punk night at the Met, because what’s more punk than pants at the goddamn Met!? The styling is perfect as well; her diaphanous top offsets her leather crop pants, and that clutch is just enough hardware to keep everything interesting. Grade: A

Jessica Hart in Azzedine Alaia: Great abs. Other than that, though, I’m not impressed. This is what I mean by tough-girl chic; it’s edgy but not daring like a punk look should be. Punk needs to make you do this…

…ain’t doin’ it.

Joan Smalls in Tom Ford: Normally I adore anything by Tom Ford, but this just looks like another Pucci dress. Also: ombre hair needs to go die a quick but painful death somewhere in the depths of a teen magazine. Grade: B-

Karen Elson in Alexander McQueen: Gosh, when she gets it right she gets it right. It’s punk without being garish—just thank God for McQueen. That is all. Grade: A+

Karlie Kloss in Louis Vuitton: I’m 50/50 on this one. From some angles it looks like a sexy, from-the-boudoir slip gown and I find myself loving it; then I see it from the front and think it would look better on Betty White. I’ll leave this one to you, readers (all 13 of you). Grade: B-

Karolina Kurkova in Mary Katrantzou: Gaht Dang, Anja, Gisele and Karolina all know how to show it off. I’m glad that she had a custom dress made and it isn’t all boxes and angles; Elizabeth Banks’s dress from last year still haunts my dreams. Grade: A-

(to save some time, I’m just gonna post names & grades until we get to the end of the models. I’ll come back and recap later—my dad’s coming home and he hates this stuff!)

Lily Aldridge in ?: It’s incredibly hard to make mustard work on the red carpet, so the fact she pulls this off earns her extra points on an otherwise lackluster look. It feels like Abbey Lee Kershaw’s look, but without some of the grit the other model infused into her sexy slip dress. Grade: B

Lily Cole in Vivienne Westwood: This is what I’m talking about. Vivienne Westwood. Rubber. Anywhere else this would be a massive no-no, but for the Met Gala that’s celebrating punk couture this is an absolute grand-slam! Grade: A+

Linda Evangelista in Marchesa: I love this dress so much, so it pains me to give this such a low grade (C+ low, you ask? Honor student problems). It’s the styling that kills it for me; the flowy, crimped medieval princess hair with a headband and the overabundance of rings overwhelms what should be a simple yet stunning gown. Grade: C+

Liya Kebede in ?: I’m glad to see some big, poufy, radical-print dresses, but whereas others nailed it, Liya was just kind of “meh.” I think it’s her makeup—too light for a night where people went full Siouxsie Sioux on us! Grade: B

Miranda Kerr in Michael Kors: Holy atomic abs, Batman! One of the princesses of Tumblr once again wowed us with her impeccable style and otherworldly body. It’s nothing groundbreaking, it’s true, but when you’ve got a stomach harder than iron it’s never a bad thing to show it off. Grade: A-

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Gucci: Shiny satin skirt. Mesh top. Feather boob covers. Wait, why do I like this? Ugh, I don’t know—maybe it’s because Rosie’s got the moxie to pull off all this, this… stuff. I hate stuff. But I love this. Grade: B+

Okay, that’s it for the models. Singers/celebrities/human incubators (you know who I’m talking about) are up next!

A New York Virgin No Longer!

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 12:56:01 -0400

Well, it’s been approximately a month since my journey to the Great White Way, and though I wanted to tell the interwebs all about it from day one, my life got in the way. And then the Oscars. And then more life. Ugh, life is such a pain in the ass! Anyhow, no more distractions: I’m here, and I’m ready to unload all my ramblings on you.

In 3…2…1…

I was heading up to NYC with my mom for The Voice auditions, and it was also coincidentally my first time in the Big Apple. Insert proud comment about how my first trip was for an audition. Actor-nerd alert. But enough about that; we took a long train ride on a Friday night from home to Penn Station—Amtrak knows how to take you through all the ghettos—and from there we took a taxi to the Marriott that would be home-base for the weekend.

The hotel was nice enough, but it made me realize that I’ve never really stayed in one luxury-style. Seriously—I don’t think I’ve ever had a bed to myself on all the trips I’ve taken with my parents, and that’s a lot of trips: Austria, Singapore, et cetera. So I added a new bullet on my bucket list to stay in the highroller suite just once in my lifetime. Or maybe twice, if one of these audition things ever works out.

So there we were, sitting in our king-size bed with about four hours left in the night. We didn’t have a lot of time in the city, so we decided to head out and get me Broadway-ified with my first ever show!

Here’e me outside the Richard Rogers Theatre:

It was a big stroke of luck that Scarlett Johansson was currently starring as Maggie the Cat in Tennessee William’s play Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, and I wasn’t gonna let that one pass me by. You see, Scarlett is one of my favorite actresses, even if it’s mostly because every 22nd person I meet tells me I look like her. Easily my favorite complement to get. Anyhow, I was determined to get as close to her as possible and maybe even meet her. The scene in my mind:

Me: Hi!

Scarlett: Hi!

Me: I like you. And like, a million people have told me that I look like you from your Horse Whisperer days so if you ever need someone to play you as a teenager or something here’s my email, number, address, and here’s a GPS to a chip in my head so if you need to find me just press this little button and my head’ll ping and you could come visit me or something and we’d talk and stuff.

Scarlett: (long pause) Great! Let’s go out to dinner sometime!

Okay, I have an active imagination. And that obviously didn’t happen. Mom and I got rush tickets to the show and enjoyed it immensely; Scarlett was really well-cast and the set was gorgeous, and Ciaran Hinds stole the show as Big Daddy. Even the annoying Italian guys behind me couldn’t spoil my delight; I’d seen my first Broadway show, and it starred my celebrity twin!

We ran outside to the stage door as soon as the curtain fell and muscled into position to greet the stars as they came out. People are vicious, and I learned that you have to leave before the show ends to get a good spot; nonetheless, I was able to see the actors as they stepped out and started to sign programs. Neither Scarlett nor her leading man Benjamin Walker graced the masses with their presence, which was a disappointment.

I didn’t go home empty-handed, though. My inner nerd flared to life when Ciaran Hinds stepped out and started to sign all the things people threw at him. Not only was he a highlight of the show, he was also going to be a major character in season three of my nerd-obsession, Game of Thrones. Mance Rayder was practically three feet away from me, and my little dweeb heart just about exploded. I stuck my program out to him and shouted “I’m excited to see you in Game of Thrones!”

He took my program, signed it, and smiled at me. “You won’t be when you see me,” he said. “I’m a bad guy.” I couldn’t stop myself. “Oh, it’s okay. I’ve read all the books and know what happens to you.”

My common sense facepalmed, but my nerd sense had just hit a home-run. He laughed and looked at me. “Well, I guess I’ve got to read a little faster, then,” he said, and I got my program back. Here it is:

So I’m a nerd-ninja. No big deal. So we went home around midnight and collapsed into bed, ready for the big tomorrow: The Voice Auditions.

The morning was all about prepping. Our time slot was 2:30 pm, so we had a couple of hours to sleep in and then put on my face, and let me tell you, it needed putting on. I slathered on the products, washed the hair, freaked out when the dryer didn’t work, and calmed down when I realized it just came unplugged. It was time.

Now let me be clear, this ain’t my first rodeo. I did the Idol circuit back in 2011, and it was actually relatively successful. I didn’t make it all the way, but hey—if I didn’t make it there, I probably wouldn’t have tried The Voice at all. Still, the excitement does get to you, and as we walked over to the Javits Center that same squishy hopefulness sloshed around in my tummy. Wow, that was a gross sentence.

So we got there, thinking that we were just a tad early and wouldn’t have too much trouble with the line. Wrong. Whenever you do these kind of cattle-call reality shindigs, always get there early. We went to the back of the line—a six-block line that circled the building almost twice. Lesson learned. It was even bigger than Idol, which was around 12,000; this was closer to 20,000.

Thankfully, the line moved quickly, and in under an hour and a half we were in the heated building and sitting in the holding room, waiting for our groups of ten to be called in for Final Judgment. Hey, that’s what it felt like!

Around six at night we were finally the next group in with about fifteen other people, and in our nervousness we got to talking. I made friends with a lovely gal who worked as a magazine stylist for photo shoots—I should’ve gotten her name, she had fabulous fashion sense and a gorgeous lounge-singer voice.

As you can guess, I didn’t make it. If I did, I’d be under contract right now and couldn’t tell you anything. But I’m not, and so I can spill every ugly detail. Ha ha (evil sounding laugh)! Really, though, it wasn’t much. We were ushered into a small room with a girl who must’ve been a lower-tier producer, and one by one we were asked to get up and sing our piece. I did what worked for me back in 2011, a snippet from Queen’s (not Justin Bieber’s, thank you very much) “Somebody to Love,” and I’d say I was in the top three of the singers I heard.

But that’s not enough. Only one act from my group got passed on, and it was a duo of two pretty, tall, skinny sisters who did a cool take on Adele’s “Rumour Has It.” If they end up on the show, I’ll let you know—they certainly were pretty enough. I was a little disappointed, but I’m an enterprising little sneak, and I smelled blood in the water. And boy, whose blood it was!

A contestant from last season who I’d been a fan of had just stopped by to help judge, and we were the first group he’d sit in with. His name was Avery Wilson, and after I sang I could tell he liked me. When my name wasn’ t called to continue on, he gave a noticeable stink-face to the producer on his right. Go me!

So I pulled one last card, thinking maybe it might work. I told Avery how much I’d liked him last season, which was the truth—he’s got a fabulous voice and he got it just like I did, singing along to your iTunes library when no one else is home—but some little sneaky part of me thought he might lobby for me.

He didn’t, but I wasn’t expecting him to. However, he did let me get a picture with him, and before he left he told me to try again, because I had what it took. Sweetness!

Such a nice guy. Avery, if you’re reading this: you rock!

So we went back to the hotel. I wasn’t sure if I was actually alright with getting rejected or if I was gonna lose it and trash my hotel room like an angry pop star; I had taken the rejection from Idol pretty hard, but now that I look back I understand why. With Idol, I’d made the first cut, getting picked as one of the 250 out of 12,000 who got to go on to the next step; it was my first big audition thing, and I thought it was straight on to the judges after that. Hahaha—-no. There’s something like five more auditions, and I got cut on the third. I was young, didn’t expect it, and thought I’d been so close—so it took me about a year to get over it.

The Voice, though, was different. I didn’t even make the first cut, and I knew that even getting that far wasn’t much to holler about. So I guess the sayings are right; as you get older, you do get wiser. In some aspects.

What I still hadn’t got through my thick skull was that Scarlett was not coming out of that stage door, and I was still determined to try and meet her. I would stand on my head to get her attention; as well as looking like her, we both sing and have deep voices for girls. Seriously, readers: if you combined Jennifer Lawrence and Scarlett Johansson with a dose of Sue Heck from The Middle, you’d have me.

So I dragged my poor mother back to the Richard Rogers Theatre in the hopes we’d see her come out this time. We were one theater away down the block, though, when my favorite part of the entire trip happened. These two women were walking in the opposite direction of us, talking and laughing, and I knew I’d seen them somewhere. Just as they passed us, it hit me, and my mouth did it’s thing before my brain caught up.

”Sarah Paulson!?”

Yes, my friends, I had run into Lana Banana herself along with her friend Sister Mary Satan, aka Lily Rabe. And I’d said her name like I knew her, so she whipped around and said, “yes?” like she might have recognized me. My inner fangirl kicked in then and I started blabbering on about how awesome they both were, and my mom was smart enough to ask for a picture. Here’s the proof:

Lily, Sarah, me. All under a banner that says “Tony Award Winner.” Coincidence? I think not!

Anyhow, they were incredibly gracious even if I was a total creep. I shook their hands, told them I was excited for season three, and we went on our way; even though I didn’t make the cut for The Voice and Scarlett once again never came out, my entire trip was made. So if you’re reading this, ladies, thank you: most of all, you two helped me keep my spirits up after the rejection.

We went home and crashed. And I shall continue this story momentarily: my dad just got home and demands I go walk the dog. But never fear! There are two more days of New York madness, Mary-style, still in need of recapping!

So, it’s my birthday today. 17. Huh.

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 08:08:43 -0400

So, it’s my birthday today. 17. Huh.

The After-Parties: Elton John AIDS Foundation

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 17:45:00 -0500

As promised, the party where the Kardashians are allowed in. Hope to go back and grade later.

Analeigh Tipton in Elie Saab: A-

Anna Paquin in Alexander McQueen: B+

Britney Spears in ?: B (but an A+ for Britney’s personal record!)

Carmen Electra in ?: B (this is the classiest she’s ever looked)

Christa B. Allen in ?: B-

Danai Gurira in ?: A+ (Michonne got it goin’ on!)

Debby Ryan in ?: A-

Emeli Sande in ?: B

Emma Roberts in ?: C+

Fan Bingbing in Elie Saab: A

Heidi Klum in Julien MacDonald: C- (is anyone else thinking about milk?)

Irina Shayk in ?: A

Jaime King in ?: B+

Jane Lynch in ?: B-

Jane Seymour in ?: B+

Jenna Elfman in Balmain: B-

Judy Greer in ?: B

Karina Smirnoff in ?: B+

Kat Graham in ?: C-

Katie Aselton in Paule Ka: B

Kelly Osbourne in Donna Karan: A-

Khloe Kardashian in ?: B

Kim Kardashian in Donna Karan: C

Kourtney Kardashian: C+

Lana Parilla in ?: B-

Leven Rambin in ?: B+

Lucy Lawless in ?: C

Mel B in ?: F (is that a nipple?!)

Mena Suvari in ?: A- (I just learned she was a patient of my uncle’s—he’s an eye doctor)

Miley Cyrus in ?: B- (sigh)

Nia Vardalos in ?: F

Nicki Minaj in ?: D

Nicole Richie in Roberto Cavalli: B+

Nina Dobrev in ?: A

Petra Nemcova in ?: B-

Rose Byrne in Jean Paul Gaultier: B

Serinda Swan in ?: A-

Skylar Grey in ?: A-

Stana Katic in ?: B+ (damn, Beckett!)

Willa Holland in ?: B

The After-Parties: Vanity Fair II

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 15:06:00 -0500

Here’s the rest of the Vanity Fair Party. Elton John’s AIDS Foundation viewing party is next!

Irina Shayk in Stephane Rolland: B-

Isla Fisher in ?: B-

Jane Fonda in Roberto Cavalli: B+

Jennifer Lawrence in Calvin Klein: A-

Jessica Lowndes in ?: B+

Julie Bowen in ?: B

Juliette Lewis in ?: B

Karolina Kurkova in Versace: A- (no one works Versace like a supermodel)

Kate Beckinsale in Monique Lhuillier: B+

Kate Bosworth in Giambattista Valli: A-

Kristin Chenoweth in Armani Prive: B+

Leslie Mann in ?: B

Li Bingbing in Gucci: A-

Liberty Ross in ?: C+

Lily Collins in Zuhair Murad: A-

Maria Sharapova in ?: B+

Marisa Tomei in ?: B+

Michelle Rodriguez in ?: B

The After-Parties: Vanity Fair

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 13:39:37 -0500

So I really want to get all the pictures from the Oscars up before tomorrow—for pete’s sake, this should not take a week, but it does! Anyhow, I’m just putting all the photos up first, no captions or commentary, but I hope to swing back around and correct that sometime soon. Ugh, why does life have to get in between me and my beloved internet?!

And the worst-dressed celebrity at the Oscars is… Anne...

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 12:03:00 -0500

And the worst-dressed celebrity at the Oscars is…

Anne Hathaway in Prada!

I’m sorry, but this was just. So. Disappointing. Yes, there were worse disasters out there (Brandi Glanville, anyone?), but we expect the Real Housewives to look like that. We expect Anne, however, to look gorgeous, especially on the night she was slated for her big win! While she could have knocked me dead in something bright and beautiful, she left me mopey over her boxy, stiff dress with the built-in nipples.

Honorable Mentions:

Brandi Glanville in ?

Giuliana Rancic in Rafael Cennamo

Kelly Rowland in Donna Karan

Kristen Stewart in Reem Acra

Sunrise Coigney in Zero + Maria Cornejo

And the best-dressed celebrity at the Oscars...

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 09:14:00 -0500

And the best-dressed celebrity at the Oscars is…

It’s a tie! Jessica Chastain in Armani Prive and Jennifer Lawrence in Dior both took the top honors in their beautiful gowns!

It was just too hard to choose. Jessica’s apricot dress was fitted to a tee and couldn’t have looked better with her flame-red hair; all she had to add was a hot red pout! Jennifer was flawless, as well; adding that backwards diamond necklace was what really elevated this to top honors.

Let me say this, though: Charlize Theron would have won had I not decided it’s just not fair to compare her to other women. No one can compete with her, so she was disqualified…

Honorable Mentions:

Naomi Watts in Armani Prive

Olivia Munn in Marchesa

Robin Roberts in Marc Bouwer

Samantha Barks in Valentino

Stacy Keibler in Naeem Khan

The Oscars Part III: From A to Quvenzhane

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 12:03:00 -0500

Okay, I think I’m gonna finish up with the red carpet today. Maybe I’ll start on the Vanity Fair party as well, but my other blog has been seriously neglected as of late and I may have to go and show it some TLC (yes, I give my blog tender love and care—forever alone much?). Anyhow, here goes the last of the Oscars gowns!

And honestly, they should have stuck with the moniker “The Academy Awards.” Oscars is fun and fresh, but this is a freaking film celebration. Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart and Marlon Brando and Ingrid Bergman all have been honored at this ceremony. It deserves it’s classy, old-timey name. Rant over.

Nora Jones in Tadashi Shoji: The cool crooner looked perfectly pretty on the red carpet, but there was nothing overly exciting about this look aside from the semi-pompadour hair. But hey, it wasn’t her night and she knew it—it’s all about Adele right now. Grade: B

Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji: Octavia and Tadashi are a match made in heaven. While this isn’t as spectacularly attention-grabbing as last year’s dress (which she won in!), it’s still divine in it’s structure and coloring. She looks like a delicious meringue—fluffy, delicious, and feel-good! Grade: A-

Olivia Munn in Marchesa: Olivia was the resident sexy siren at this year’s Oscars, and I think she should continue this trend at other award shows because damn! The fit of the bodice is impeccable, the gathering of the fiery red skirt gives her that siren silhouette, and she caps it all off with a sleek updo and minimal jewelry. With that much embroidery on the bodice, it was the perfect choice. Grade: A

Queen Latifah in Badgley Mischka: First off, can we recognize the awesome peace sign she’s flashing at the camera?! Queenie is just so chill, and she looked it in her icy white gown with pearl detailing on the shoulders. It’s minimalistic, yes, but Latifah’s attitude is enough of an accessory along with her bright pink pout! Grade: B+

Quvenzhane Wallis in Armani Junior: Has there ever been an Oscars where there are two women whose names start with Q? History has been made, people—aside from the whole youngest/oldest thing, but that’s not really too important when compared with double Qs! All that aside, though, Wallis looks lovely in her little princess gown and puppy purse, and I’m positively elated that she didn’t go for classic, little-girl pink—but hey, Quvenzhane’s a lot more than a classic little girl. She’s the man! Grade: A-

Reese Witherspoon in Louis Vuitton: This is the second year in a row where Reese has worn an overly lumpy dress, and I’m worried it’s becoming a trend with her. The fabric’s stiff, the skirt is too long; however, the color is marvelous, and her hair and makeup are second only to that ethereal creature Jessica Chastain. Grade: B-

Renee Zellweger in Carolina Herrera: Ah, good ‘ol Lemonface. Yes, the dress is pretty and it fits really well, but what is up with that poop-smell expression?! And when did she grow those boobs?! In Chicago she was flatter than a pancake! Grade: C

Robin Roberts in Marc Bouwer: I feel like a proud mom seeing Robin look so wonderful after her bone marrow transplant; she’s become America’s sweetheart, and I am definitely part of her fan club. Velvet is hard to wear, but the sleek design of this dress against Robin’s skin makes it chic instead of Nuctracker-esque. Grade: A

Sally Field in Valentino: I’ve been waiting to see this dress on the red carpet for a long time, and Sally couldn’t have debuted it more perfectly. She let the dress do the talking—it was age-appropriate but alluring, bright but not tacky. I completely understand why Seth MacFarlane hit on her. Grade: A-

Salma Hayek in Alexander McQueen: This woman can wear the crap out of a dress, even if it’s velvet with a high collar, which normally marks a trainwreck-in-the-making. Her curves are hugged in all the right places and the gold collar is just the right amount of embellished. She looks like fashion royalty—being married to the owner of a gazillion couture companies will do that to ya. Grade: A-

Samantha Barks in Valentino: This is who should’ve gotten all the buzz for Les Mis. Samantha can sing her ass off, and though she’s been stuck behind her more famous costars for most of the awards season, she finally broke out from their shadow in this stunningly simple sheath. She’s got the body for it; while I’d love to work a plunge like that, I’ve just got too much boob for such exposure. Samantha, though, makes the daring neckline high-fashion with her beautiful gold amulet and perfect… ahem… proportions. Grade: A

Sandra Bullock in Elie Saab: Sandy looks beautiful as always, but I feel like this was a little boring for her. She needs to wear pale colors with her coloring, and if her hair had been up perhaps I’d like it a little better. Nonetheless, no amount of fashion missteps can make me dislike Sandy! Grade: B

Shaun Robinson in ?: Meh. Shaun’s always meh for me. Grade: B-

Shirley Bassey in ?: GOLDFINGAH! Dame Shirley was in fine form at the ceremony, wearing a sleek black dress like another Bond crooner we love. It was just the right amount of fun with the fringed bottom and beaded sleeves, and her gorgeous drop earrings offset her pretty makeup. Grade: B+

Stacy Keibler in Naeem Khan: George Clooney’s gorgeous squeeze never fails to disappoint, and she topped herself with this exquisitely beaded sheath by the king of jewelry-as-dresses. Honestly, what more can I say about this look. Freaking look at her! Look at her! Grade: A

Sunrise Coigney in Zero + Maria Cornejo: I love that Mark Ruffalo’s hippie wife always brings something unexpected to the carpet, and even though this is absolutely hideous I can’t bring myself to hate it. Let’s be honest—there was nothing else like it out there. And we expect this from her, so it’s not too horrible, unlike a certain best supporting actress winner who can do so much better. Grade: C-

Tabitha Coffey in ?: Okay, don’t hate me. This was not good for the Oscars. It looks like something out of Fifty Shades of Grey couture line. But I will say this—if P!nk wore this to the Grammy’s, it would win best-dressed. Tell me I’m not the only one who sees this. Grade: C+

Zoe Saldana in Alexis Mabille: Zoe’s known for big red carpet risks, particularly at the Oscars, but I’m not sure if this one paid off. I love the gradient color change at the bottom and the mini front-split, but that should have been it; the belt, appliqueing on the bodice and the bow could have been left on the runway. But she’s still gorgeous, of course. Grade: B-

And that’s it! I think I am gonna take a break and chill out because my writing was so crappy (yes, I am aware of it’s crappiness), and also because I have another doctor’s appointment! Gosh, it’s like my excuse for everything because it’s true…

The Oscars Part II: From A to Quvenzhane

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:40:00 -0500

Twenty more, including the Jennifer brigade…

Jenna Dewan-Tatum in Rachel Roy: The beautiful vessel for Channing Tatum’s baby was glowing with maternal pride on Sunday night, and it’s not hard to see why: the baby’s gonna look like her and Channing Tatum, that’s why! Anyhow, her fashion was on-trend, too; the pattern was a little busy for me, but her sparkling emerald earrings offset it enough to keep her looking pretty. Grade: B

Jennifer Aniston in Valentino: Ugh, this makes me mad. This was the number-one dress on my list for the Oscars and it was for Anne Hathaway. Not Jennifer Aniston. Yes, she looks great, but Anne could have worn the crap out of this. I also can’t comprehend why she left her hair so messy—I get that it’s her thing, but it does not work with this dress. Grade: B-

Jennifer Garner in Gucci: This definitely wins for best color of the night; it’s unexpected and goes perfectly with her flawless skin and dark diamond necklace. I also love the bustle, strange as it is, but something about the column is throwing me off. It’s kind of making her look boxy, but what the hell—the color is redeeming enough. Grade: A-

Jennifer Hudson in Roberto Cavalli: I love that Jennifer’s got such a rockin’ body now and you know that she’s loving it, but this was not a great choice. Front slits are almost never good news, and her hair extensions are painfully obvious. But all was forgiven when she sang at the ceremony—God, that voice is explosive. Grade: B-

Jennifer Lawrence in Dior: Ah, the Belle of the Ball! After two iffy looks from the Dior haute couture collection, she finally got it right in this bridal-style ball gown! The fit is impeccable and the flare seems very natural, but what makes this a real show stopper is her backwards diamond necklace, which I can’t stop obsessing about. Top it all off with that derpy personality and you’ve got a perfect gal! Grade: A+

This girl is so me. Honestly.

Jessica Chastain in Armani Prive: Jessica Rabbit’s still sticking around, and it’s working wonders for Jess C! This is the most impeccably beaded dress I’ve seen since Claire Danes at the Emmys a few years ago, and it fits her like a shimmering, sexy glove. And with that red hair, she doesn’t really need much else except a smile! Grade: A+

Kelly Osbourne in Tony Ward: Pretty enough dress. Probably her best this awards season. Still can’t get past the hair, though. Fix it, honey. Fix. It. Grade: C+

Kelly Rowland in Donna Karan: This is a case of a good dress styled wrong, and it’s a hard dress to style right in the first place, too. After looking so fabulous at the Grammys, this was a major step back; the hair’s too heavy, the boob is too off-kilter, and the earrings are too big. Sorry, girl. Better luck next time! Grade: B-

Kerry Washington in Miu Miu: This budding style maven is another best-color winner in her strawberry-smoothie dress (that’s a good color description, no?). The bodice is exquisitely beaded and looks like Rose gold with the skirt of the gown, and the only complaint I have is how her hair seems a little flat on top. But still, gorgeous! Grade: A-

Kristen Stewart in Reem Acra: As usual, Kristen looks uncomfortable, but at least this time she has an excuse—she was on crutches for most of the evening due to a foot injury, so for once she gets a pass on her “I’d rather be hiding in my hoodie” expression. Unfortunately, there is no excuse for that dress. I can’t believe it’s Reem Acra, too! They never make bad dresses, so what the hell is this?! Grade: C-

Kristin Chenoweth in Tony Ward: Oh, to be tiny and be hosting on the red carpet. Honestly, did the producers not realize she’d have to hold her arm straight up to interview everyone. Oh, well…anyhow, this is a little bit awkward for me. I like the ball gown skirt, but the top seems like it belongs on a metallic column. Still, pretty look—and it’s fun to see her stand next to Adele. Grade: B

Lara Spencer in Kaufmanfranco: I’m partial to this dress because I recently got to touch it when I went into the New York City Saks store; up close you really realize how beautiful these gowns are, and this one is no exception, with every sequin perfectly placed. The color goes well with her Cali-girl tan, and while I’d prefer her hair up it’s nice enough as is to get a passing grade. Grade: B

Louise Roe in Monique Lhuillier: Meh. It’s not bad, but it’s been worn already and done much better. Lily Collins donned a frock almost identical to this one for last year’s Vanity Fair party and knocked it out of the park where this was more like a bunt. And also: put your hair up, woman! Grade: C+

Marcia Gay Harden in David Meister: I’m sorry, but this looks like a bad mother-of-the-bride dress or one of the more tasteful prom gowns out today. I like the color and the bottom half, but the illusion sleeves make no sense with all the embellishment on her outer arms. It’s like she has some rash or something! Grade: C-

Melissa McCarthy in David Meister: Well, this is the best she’s ever looked on the red carpet. The jersey fabric is forgiving, the embellishment isn’t over-the-top, and her earrings are beautiful. But then the hair happened. For a more avant-garde ceremony I’d applaud going for the super-giant blowout, but not at the Oscars. Just…no. Grade: C

Meryl Streep in Lanvin: I’m sad Meryl didn’t walk the carpet, because she looks stunning in this shimmery column—I like it even better than last year’s gold dress! Her accessories are perfect with her dress, and of course, being Meryl Streep gives you a kind of glow because you know you’re going to be a legend when you’re dead. Grade: A-

Nancy O’Dell in ?: Oh, Nancy. As gaudy as this whole getup is, it’s better than what’s she’s worn this season, so I’ll give her that. The bright blue streaks, the slit, the big ‘ol drop earrings; you look great, girl, but…no. The shoes are great, though! Grade: C-

Naomi Watts in Armani Prive: In a sea of classic dresses, Naomi stood out in her space-age column with an edgy cutout. Simple earrings and soft hair kept it all feminine, but I feel like this dress is missing something. Maybe a bold clutch or bright earrings would have completed the look, but no one can deny how sexy she looks. Grade: A-

Naomie Watts in Michael Badger: The latest and possibly greatest Bond girl, Moneypenny herself, looked the part in her gold gown with the interesting peplum. While I love the look on the whole, I feel like she could have lost a few accessories to make it less fussy. Grade: B+

Nicole Kidman in L’Wren Scott: First off, I am so glad that she fixed her hair. Before, it was pin-straight and harsh-looking but her dresses were great, and now it’s kind of the reverse. Her shimmery column was alright, but the more I see that swirly pattern the more it bugs me. Grade: B-

The Oscars Part I: From A to Quvenzhane

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 14:21:17 -0500

Oh Lawdy. Here I go, recapping the Superbowl of red carpets; this may take awhile. I apologize in advance, but I do promise you this; I will recap the carpet, Vanity Fair, and the AIDS Foundation red carpets, so at least you’re getting some more bang for your buck.

Let’s do this.

I was pretty pleased with this year’s Academy turnout. There were some real show-stoppers, which is always a good sign, but I almost found myself missing all the trainwrecks—I saw practically none!

The trends of the night were easily summed up, as well: white and shiny. Blue was sorta in there, too, but angelic, bridal-esque gowns and fluid, shiny columns ruled the night. Strange alphabet letters also made a rare and large appearance; Catherina Zeta-Jones in Zuhair Murad, Quvenzhane Wallis in Armani—it’s like getting all the best Scrabble tiles at once!

But enough paragraphing. I got a lot of work to do.

Adele in Jenny Packham: The Queen of everything looked absolutely regal in her shimmery black gown, and though I know people want her to dress younger, I love that she has a distinct style and sticks to it. As usual, her retro hair and makeup are flawless; honestly, it kind of makes me mad how awesome she is. Grade: B+

Alicia Vikander in Elie Saab: The Anna Karenina and A Royal Affair star looked stunning in her embroidered blue column, but I feel like something’s missing—a fancier hairdo, perhaps? Still, I love the color clash of the baby blue with the thin mustard belt. Grade: B

Amanda Seyfried in Alexander McQueen: Gosh, this is such a pretty dress. If someone like Halle Berry or Jennifer Garner had worn it I’d be screaming from the rafters with joy. Alas, the porcelain beauty Amanda donned it, and all the muted, pale colors wash her out terribly. As lovely as she looks, I feel like she’s a more glamourous Moaning Myrtle. Grade: B

Amy Adams in Oscar de la Renta: Another case of pale skin and a pretty dress not working when you put them together. The fluffy ball gown is a bit better than Seyfried’s column, though—the dove gray contrasts a little more with Amy’s pinkish skin and red hair than Amanda’s does. Hue griping aside, though, this dress is beautifully constructed, and her sparkly drop earrings are to die for! Grade: B+

Anne Hathaway in Prada: Why, Annie, why?! In red you could have won best-dressed flat out, but this…this… oh, the humanity! Super-stiff pink fabric that gives you cone-bra nipples, awkward construction, no red. The only things I can commend are your megawatt smile and the gorgeous backwards-necklace you’ve got on there. Anne can do so much better. Grade: C

Barbara Streisand in Donna Karan: Well, Babs is gonna do what Babs is gonna do. Grade: C

Brandi Glanville in ?: Ah, our first real train wreck of the night! There’s always one… anyhow, I don’t even know where to begin. The gaudy necklace? The fake tan? The… okay, let’s be honest, we all know what we’re really looking at. The Grammys modesty memo just fainted. Grade: D-

Catherine Zeta-Jones in Zuhair Murad: God, this woman is regal! Everything she does or wears seems like a coronation of her regal regalness. While I’ve seen her wear better, she proves she can still knock it out of the park better than girls half her age. Yes, she kind of looks like a statuette, but someone has to! Grade: B+

Charlize Theron in Dior: Oh. My. God. A world where women have to live in comparison to this heavenly creature is unfair. Head to toe perfection. It’s not fair! Grade: A+

Emmanuelle Riva in Lanvin: This is how you work the red carpet when you’re over 70 and not Helen Mirren! There’s no point in pretending you’re a spring chicken, but that doesn’t mean you can’t rock your dress! The cape and collar necklace give the subtle blue column the right touch of interesting, and hey—being the birthday girl helps, too! Grade: B+

Fan Bingbing in Marchesa: The Asian Queen of fashion was like a couture whirlwind on Oscar night, with this pink confection as her starting point. While something this big and bright could overwhelm someone else, Fan owns the dress with her electric pink pout and high, tight bun; her clutch is a little jarring, but very few other ladies could do this at all. Grade: A-

Fatima Ptacek in ?: I’m not sure what this young lady was doing here—I’m guessing live action short—but she looks adorable in this pouffy cream frock with minimal makeup. Topped off with a neat, braided bun, Fatima perfectly treads the line between age-appropriate and fashionable. Grade: B+

Georgina Chapman in Marchesa: As if the creator of some of the best red carpet dresses would ever look bad! I can’t find a single flaw in this beautiful, diaphanous maternity gown, and I am absolutely enchanted by her pearl-encrusted clutch. I also didn’t know she was married to Harvey Weinstein, either—their combined net worth must be staggering. Grade: A-

Giuliana Rancic in Rafael Cennamo: For someone who critiques everyone else’s dresses, Giuliana sure doesn’t know how to pick her own. I get what she was going for with this look, but the fabric is too silky, the color too dark, and her hair too messy. Slightly modified and on someone else, this might have looked good, but black ain’t your color, girl. Grade: B-

Gloria Reuben in ?: After a day of reflection, I actually really like this. The subtle detailing is noticeable but not overwhelming, and I love the flower applique on the skirt. Normally, purple and blue don’t mix well, but these shades are so close they blend nicely to create a morning-glory color. Grade: B

Halle Berry in Versace: Damn, that’s one fine Bond girl! Halle and Versace work together like carrots and ketchup (uh, don’t ask), and this 80’s throwback dress with modern hints looks like something straight out of Casino Royale. With both mixing metals and shoulder pads this should be a disaster, but on Halle it’s like a dream come true. Grade: A-

Helen Hunt in H&M: Color me surprised! The fact H&M has a dress on the Academy’s carpet is stunning enough, but the fact that it looks so good has me absolutely flabbergasted! Yes, it does look wrinkled from the ride over, but she still looks remarkably good. Add simple silver jewelry and sexy curls to equal a fabulously affordable look (well, for the Oscars). Grade: B+

Helena Bonham Carter in Vivienne Westwood: Well, it’s not like we expected her to wear anything less than crazy. Still, I wish she’d spiced it up a little bit like she did at the SAGs—remember her lip purse?! I wish she’d brought it to the Oscars. Grade: C-

Jacki Weaver in Rani Zakhem: I really like Jacki as an actress—she’s been nominated for an Oscar twice—but her style needs some help. All season long I’ve been hoping she’d fix her hair, and just when the fashion gods heard my plea they went and screwed up her dress. Can’t win ‘em all, I guess. Grade: C

Jane Fonda in Versace: We are not worthy. Jane Fonda is killing it at 75. Killing it! I tell ya, there aren’t many people who can work a bold shoulder and bright yellow, but it looks like Mrs. Fonda can do no fashion wrong. Young starlets, take note; this is how you do it when you’re no longer the ingenue. Grade: A-

Round two coming soon (I hope—doctor’s appointments tend to gum up the works!)

And the worst-dressed celebrity at the Grammy Awards...

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:06:50 -0500

And the worst-dressed celebrity at the Grammy Awards is…

Lila Downs!

I wish there was some big-name star who completely bombed on the carpet, but like I said earlier, this year was less-than-exciting. So this’ll have to do as the token atrocious getup.

Honorable Mentions:

Keltie Colleen

Alexa Chung in Red Valentino

Ashanti in Tony Ward Couture

Esperanza Spalding

Taylor Swift in J. Mendel (just because it was another. White. Dress.)

And the best-dressed celebrity at the Grammy Awards...

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:00:05 -0500

And the best-dressed celebrity at the Grammy Awards is…

Rihanna!

To be honest, she didn’t have much competition. She looked so beautiful in her Alaia dress that she could probably compete at a place like the Oscars. Everything was perfection; the soft dress, the softer hair, the beautiful skin—the only thing wrong is her choice of boyfriend.

Honorable Mentions:

Kelly Rowland in Georges Chakra

Natasha Bedingfield in Emerson

Florence Welch in Givenchy

Estelle in Genelle Brooks x Love Collins

Alicia Keys in Alaia

The Grammys Red Carpet Review: Fun! Fun? Fun.

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 18:31:20 -0500

This took me over a week. I hang my head in shame. I also am just gonna post the pictures with grades that I have and give you my best and worst right after. I swear on New York Cheesecake that I’ll do better for the Oscars!

This year’s Grammys was quite the snoozer. Aside from…uh…let me think…well, you get it. Ah! Bruno Mars and his Bob Marley tribute. That was fun. Anyhow, like I said: snoozer. Taylor Swift wore white, Angelina’s leg made an appearance, and P!nk didn’t win (boo!). But there were a few highlights, namely the Marley revue, Rihanna’s beautiful song “Stay,” and the overall adorableness that is Kelly Clarkson. And Adele didn’t wear black! Egad!

Adele in Valentino: B

Alexa Chung in Red Valentino: B-

Alicia Keys in Alaia: A-

Allison Williams in Kaufmanfranco: B+

Ashanti in Tony Ward Couture: C+

Beyonce in Osman: C

Bonnie McKee in ?: C-

Carly Rae Jepsen in Roberto Cavalli: B

Carrie Underwood in Roberto Cavalli: B+

Esperanza Spalding in ?: C

Estelle in Genelle Brooks x Love Collins: A

Faith Hill in J. Mendel: B

Florence Welch in Givenchy: A-

Giuliana Rancic in Carlos Miele: C+

Janelle Monae in Moschino: B+

Jennifer Lopez in Anthony Vaccarello: C+

Kaley Cuoco in Amen Couture: B

Karlie Kloss in Michael Kors: A

Kat Dennings in Vivienne Westwood: B-

Kathy Griffin in Oscar de la Renta: B-

Katy Perry (and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen) in Gucci: B+ (or should I say DD?)

Kaya Jones in ?: B

Kelly Osbourne in Paule Ka: B+ (your hair actually works on this occasion so you get a pass on the grandma-lite hue)

Kelly Rowland in Georges Chakra: A

Keltie Colleen in ?: D

Kimbra in Jamie Lee Major: B+ (hey, I loved this! It was one of the few really “Grammy-esque” dresses of the night and I appreciated the guts it took to wear it.)

Lila Downs in ?: F

Maria Menounos in ?: B-

Miranda Lambert in Roberto Cavalli: B

Nancy O’Dell in ?: D-

Natasha Bedingfield in Emerson: A-

Nicole Kidman in Vera Wang: B

Rihanna in Alaia: A+

Shaun Robinson in ?: C+

Skylar Grey in ?: B+

Solange Knowles in Ralph & Russo: A-

Taylor Swift in J. Mendel: B

If you’re wondering why the hell I’m auditioning for...

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 17:04:12 -0500

If you’re wondering why the hell I’m auditioning for The Voice, here’s me singing the Janis Joplin classic “Cry Baby” at a karaoke contest. Thankfully, all of twenty-two people entered and most of the people in the tiny place were extended family, so flubbing the epic first note wasn’t as much of a travesty as it could’ve been. I did some other stuff there, but this was already on my YouTube and I’m too lazy to upload anything else; also, making it through a song like “Cry Baby” mostly unscathed is a thing to be celebrated.

I ended up winning the contest—yes, my family kind of flooded the voting booth—and 100 bucks (thanks guys!) in the process, so technically you’re looking at a $100 performance. You should feel lucky you can see it for free! My sarcasm gland is acting out, as you can see.

So that’s how I sound, and if I made it to the real show I’d definitely wanna be the “classic rock one.” Feel free to tear me to shreds (if you must—I’m a tender-heart), and feel more free to comment positively. Thanks for listening!

Ps. If you wanna snoop through my channel, that’s fine. Just be aware that there’s a video where I dress up as Kim Kardashian, Hugh Jackman, and Charlie Sheen and otherwise shatter any shred of dignity I have. But hey, the teacher gave me an A!

Artists to Listen To: Part III

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 16:43:49 -0500

So, as my looming The Voice audition date grows ever closer and I grow ever more paranoid about everything from vocal runs to what color boots I should wear, I’ve been listening to a lot of music. And it reminded me of this thingie. So let me enlighten you once more with music…

Gin Wigmore

Wigmore’s newer to the American music scene, but you’ve probably heard her already. Her song “Kill of the Night” was the theme for the canceled 666 Park Avenue as well as prominently featured in AMC’s Fearfest previews. Her music starred in the Christmas short “The Gift of Revenge” from the hit ABC show, and to top it all off they used yet another Gin Wigmore tune for the Skyfall Heineken commercial. So, yeah—unless you live under a rock, you’ve already heard her voice.

I predict she’s going to blow up the US charts some time very soon. Already a hit in her native New Zealand, Gin’s got that awesome gravelly growl that I love; you know, she kind of sounds like an angrier Amy Winehouse, and I mean that in the best way possible. Another way to describer her just came to me; she’s exactly what True Blood would sound like if it was a person. It’s a little hard to get hold of her music here in the States, but today she announced her new album Gravel and Wine, which was heavily influenced the blues/swamp-rock of the American south (once again—so me!), will be officially released sometime in March! Finally! I can stop trolling Youtube and downloa—

You heard nothing.

Anyhow, Gin is a great undiscovered talent who won’t be so unknown for long. She’s doing a tour in the states right now (she was on Kimmel a few weeks ago), and I highly suggest you go and see her before she goes global!

Best Tracks (that I’ve been able to listen to!):

“Kill of the Night” - this was the one that got me addicted to Gin (get it? Gin? Bad joke over.), and it’s not hard to hear why. The track’s got a vampy, funky vibe, and the chorus springs out at you so that you’ll turn and wonder whose song that is backing that commercial. Need I say more? When a song makes you pay attention to the commercials between segments of your show, it’s gotta be good.

“Black Sheep” - Revenge’s Christmas special used this track, and while it doesn’t exactly scream chestnuts roasting on an open fire and egg nog, it doesn’t have to. It’s almost tribal-sounding with crashing drums and a hum/grunt opener (you’ll get it if you hear it), and it really lets Gin’s raspy vocals shine in the chorus.

Buy if you like: Amy Winehouse, Janis Joplin, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Gavin DeGraw, P!nk

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

Did I mention I love rock chicks? If you still hadn’t caught on, here’s the irrefutable proof. Grace has some powerhouse vocals that are rough but clear enough to soar on the high notes, and her snappy, blues-infused lyrics keep you tuned in. You’ve probably heard “Ooh La La (Paris)” once or twice, but other than that she’s had no monster hits.

Her road to semi-stardom is a lot like what I’ve been hoping for, The Voice aside. As a young girl with a big-ass voice, she’d go out and perform at karaoke and open mike nights until some band asked her to join them; when that band did, she was on her way. I’ll be the first to tell you she was lucky, but it is possible! See, mom?! There is a reason I drag you out every Thursday night to sing!

Grace has put out plenty of material with three long albums, but she and her band are kind of like the female-lead Dave Matthews band; they’re more road warriors than studio rats, and you can hear it in their jam-session like slow tunes that relish in long guitar solos and vocal riffs, which is not a bad thing.

Best Tracks:

“Nothing but the Water” - Like Gin, I heard this one from a promo for a now-cancelled TV show (the underrated Last Resort) and it just stuck in my head. There are two equally great versions of this song, but I recommend the a cappella one; there’s something so haunting and southern-gothic about it, and the harmonies on it will send shivers up your spine.

“Medicine” - This is one of those tracks that sound like something you’ve heard before—or maybe it’s just me and I did hear it before. Whatever. Anyhow, this is a good old-fashioned rock n’ roll song with great guitar, Grace’s brazen rock-goddess scream, and overall badass feel. You’ll want to go out and cut a bitch after listening to this one.

Buy if you like: Dave Matthews Band, Janis Joplin, Carrie Underwood, The Civil Wars, Kelly Clarkson

Haley Reinhart

If you watch American Idol you’ll know who this is. You may love her. You may hate her. But one thing is certain: not enough people hear her! The wild-haired growler who finished in third place during season 10 of the pop-culture juggernaut landed a record deal with Interscope and released a criminally underrated album that did poorly in the sales section. A few months ago, Interscope dumped her. Stupid, stupid people.

Yes, I’m a Halien. This girl’s got the perfect mix of blues and rock; while everyone else on these posts tends to lean a little more into the rock genre, Haley is right on the line and it makes her extra unique. She almost reminds me of the late, great Etta James, who trod a similar line in her prime; it’s just a shame that more people don’t listen to that kind of music nowadays. God, I’m such an old fuddy-duddy on the inside. How does this computer box thing work again?!

Best Tracks:

“Wasted Tears” - This is a golden-era throwback with a great beat, propelled by funky piano jags and backup girl-coos in the background. It’s Haley’s moment as Diana Ross, and her backups are like the Supremes. Currently, it’s topping my audition song list. Interested yet?

“Let’s Run Away” - It’s only a bonus track from the deluxe album (thanks again for the signed CD birthday gift, Joey!), but it’s so good. Really. It’s the definition of a feel-good summer song; lilting vocals, maracas, and a soft ukelele strumming along with her. And no one can resist a ukelele.

Buy if you like: Etta James, Adele, Bruno Mars, Amy Winehouse, Lady Gaga (solely for the mind-blowing cover Haley does of “You and I”)

And the worst dressed star at the SAG Awards is… Julianne...

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 11:53:38 -0500

And the worst dressed star at the SAG Awards is…

Julianne Moore!

Nope. Nope. This looks like a bleached, embroidered potato sack on the verge of falling off. When Julie’s good, she’s great, but when she’s bad, she’s bad. Better luck next time, hon.

Honorable Mentions:

Nancy O’Dell in Marco Zunino

Kaley Cuoco in Romona Keveza

Julie Bowen in Johanna Johnson

Jane Lynch in David Meister

Michelle Dockery in Chado Ralph Rucci

See you next at the Grammys, where this list will have ten dishonorable mentions just because it’s the Grammys! Until then!

And the best dressed star at the SAG Awards is… A tie!...

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 11:47:00 -0500

And the best dressed star at the SAG Awards is…

A tie! Amanda Seyfried and Jessica Chastain!

These two both brought impeccably beautiful old-Hollywood looks to the carpet with pitch perfect styling and makeup to boot. I’d give the slightest edge to Amanda, but this is such an improvement for Jessica from the Globes that she deserves to tie the Les Miserables star.

Honorable Mentions:

Nina Dobrev in Elie Saab

Naomi Watts in Marchesa

Kerry Washington in Rodarte

Jennifer Garner in Oscar de la Renta

Helen Hunt in Romona Keveza

The SAG awards: Back in Black Part III

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 11:37:21 -0500

Sorry it took so long to get to this last one. Real-life craziness. So here’s the pictures with labels and grades, but I don’t have the time to give my scintillating comments (sad face). Here’s the rest…

Kiernan Shipka in Oscar de la Renta: B+

Lea Michele (and her hideous dip-dyed hair) in Valentino: C

Maria Menounos in Randi Rahm: B+

Marion Cotillard in Dior: B

Mayim Bialik in Waters: C+

Melanie Lynskey in Tadashi Shoji: B+

Michelle Dockery (and the attack of the killer sideboob) in Chado Ralph Rucci: C-

Morena Baccarin in Basil Soda: A-

Nancy O’Dell in Marc Zunino (why am I thinking dolphin?!): D

Naomi Watts in Marchesa: A

Naya Rivera (and her bewbs) in Donna Karan: B-

Nicole Kidman in L’Wren Scott: B (fix the hair and it would be an A)

Nina Dobrev (eat a sandwich girl!) in Elie Saab: A

Rose Byrne in Valentino: B-

Sally Field in Alberta Ferretti: B

Sarah Hyland in Dolce & Gabbana: B+

Shaun Robinson in Rani Zakhem: C

Sigourney Weaver in Lanvin: (I ain’t gonna diss Ellen motherf***ing Ripley so I will remain silent on this one)

Sofia Vergara in Donna Karan: B

Tina Fey in Oscar de la Renta: B+

Viola Davis in Monique Lhuillier: A-

Zuleikha Robinson in Memeka: B-